Plenty of Nothing:

Professor Rhodenizer is pissed.

“I can’t believe you’re taking this so lightly!”

Korogi: “It was nothing.”

“Some crazed hitchhiker off the highway drags you from the path and tries to lay a beating on you, and you pass it off as nothing. I saw your bike. It’s a pretzel.”

“That’s the end of it, I’m sure.”

“Oh, you are. Well, suppose he’s still around. Suppose he goes after someone else when he runs out of drug money. What if he breaks into the elementary school and takes the kindergarten hostage?”

“You shouldn’t watch the Detroit news so much. It affects your world view.”

“I know what this is. Bushido, isn’t it? Some wandering lunatic throws a couple of dojo moves at you and you think it’s the samurai code. Bullshito more like. Is this medieval Japan? Tell me just exactly when did the rule of law break down?”

“Here’s the waiter. Let’s order.”

“Before you know it we’ll all be carrying swords and tasers for self-defence.”

“I’ll have the fish. My friend will have the beef.”

“I mean, why don’t we just bring back public duelling? ‘Oh, it’s all right, officer, he was trying to kill me too.’”

“Look, the thing is,” begins Korogi, when Wheeler walks up.

Wheeler: “You’ll never guess what’s up. Ever hear of the Three Gorges Dam?”

Korogi: “Big hydro project in China. They’re going to flood out a stretch of the Yangtze river valley.”

Wheeler: “Hundreds of towns and villages are set to be inundated. Millions of people have to relocate. Ancestral graves swept away. I assume that’s bad feng shui.”

Korogi: “All industrial society is bad feng shui. You can’t blame the Chinese for acting like everybody else.”

Rhodenizer: “So what about it?”

Wheeler pulls out a Flying A coffee mug.

“Where do you think these come from?”

“China?”

“The city of Wanxian, Sichuan province, Yangtze river valley. Three years ago we signed a fifty-year exclusive contract with College Memories Company of Shanghai to produce all clothing, stationery, and collectibles. Anything that comes in garnet and gold. We even sold them the colour patents. The university’s entire material culture comes through the Halifax container port every April in three big metal containers.”

“But not anymore?”

“That’s right! College Memories’ head office is in Shanghai, but the factories are all in a single town that’s slated to be underwater by 2009.”*

Korogi: “The Dean was asking me if I’d go to China.”

Rhodenizer: “And then you were attacked by a ninja.”

Wheeler: “Coincidence? I wonder.”

Korogi wonders too, but hides it in a mouthful of fish.

Jake decides to quit sitting around waiting for Jacinthe to come up with a storyline and begins to work up one himself. He sets up his cell phone next to the mirror and makes monstrous expressions, sketching the best grimaces. He gets up on Dwayne’s bed and staggers from end to end, holding his arms out and growling, then jumps down and plays the movie back, rumbling with artistic delight. “I’m hungry! Hungry for flesh! Hahahaha!!” He roughs up his beard and howls, “The moon! The moon!” He catches Agnes out the corner of his eye. She’s standing in the doorway with an armload of books, giving him a witheringly superior look.

Jake: “What? Halloween.”

Across York Street at the library Jacinthe is actually trying out some of Jake’s story suggestions. But at the same time she’s thinking about the kid who jumped on Professor Korogi’s head. She pulls out a sheet of paper and writes:

living how?

then bussing tables

then where?

then Chinese restaurant

then how does that song go?

Then she writes:

Lee Ho Fook enters kitchen. The kid is washing dishes. Lee says, “Hey, homeless. You wanna serve table? Tonight you waiter. Serve table six.” Lee throws the kid a blue jacket. Kid puts jacket on over apron.

Dining room. Kid comes out of kitchen door carrying a big steaming dish. The faces of Lee and the other kitchen staff crowd the diamond-shaped windows in the swinging doors.

Kid takes the dish over to table six. The customer is sharply dressed in a 1970s-era three-piece suit. He has rings on every finger, and his long chestnut-brown hair and beard are blow-dried to perfection.

Kid: “Your beef chow mein.”

Customer: “RRrRRR!!! MmmM!! RRRrrR!!”

She crumples it up.

Agnes dumps her books on the table and thumps into a chair.

Jacinthe: “Did you see Dwayne?”

Agnes: “No. Just your ridiculous comic-book partner stomping around like an idiot, pretending to be a werewolf."

Jacinthe: “Oh.” She reaches for the ball of paper and nonchalantly bats it to the floor. “Maybe Dwayne’s out trick-or-treating.”

Agnes: “I hope not. Halloween is the most ludicrous day on the calendar.”

“You’re against Halloween?”

“Do they build churches for nothing? It’s like, let’s undo a whole year of religion and dance around a gravestone like a bunch of pagans.”

“It’s for the children, really.”

“It’s for the hellbound. Merciful day in the night. Did you know there’s a coven on our floor?”

“Some people take that wicca stuff seriously.”

“I’ll tell you why it’s called wicca. Because it’s wicked. That’s what it is. Wicked.”

Jacinthe leans toward the railing. “Is that Dwayne at the check-out counter?”

Agnes gets up and peers over, then comes back to gather up her books.

Jacinthe: “Coming out to the midnight show?”

Agnes: “Some monster movie I suppose?”

“Bride of Igor, 1949. Noir vampires.”

“Oh no, I can’t miss that.”

“Dwayne might be into it. Biting necks.”

Agnes considers, then says, “I’ll ask him.”

--------------

*I wrote Shaolin Cricket in 2006. D

[Next week's installment will post on Tuesday, Dec. 27th.]

Chekov's Brain

View of a space junkyard. No, wait, it's not a junkyard,

it's Lagrange Point Space Vessel Museum. No, wait, what does

that sign on the side of the observation platform say?

*Paramount* Lagrange Point Space Vessel Museum! They must have

been bought out since the last episode! Well, anyway, we're at

the museum, parked far above the Earth at one of the two points

in space where the Earth's gravity is balanced by the Moon's. A

perfect spot to find space junk.

I should say `historically significant space flight

artifacts'. Plus an artificial wormhole ride that'll put your

hair on end. But we're here for the spaceships. A lot of early

earth-orbiters that managed to survive the natural forces of

gravity and atmospheric drag are here, towed to this point in

space by tractor beam as part of the twenty-first century effort

to make near-earth-space navigable once more. There was a while

there, just before the invention of warp drive, you know, when

the amount of space junk orbiting the planet made it practically

impossible to engage in earth-based astronomy. I mean it. There

was more light produced by colliding satellites at night than

starlight. No, it's really true. I just learned it from this

telephone.

Door Repair Guy puts down the receiver and moves on to the

next window. A viewscreen built into the glass magnifies a tiny,

distant three-dimensional cross-shape into a sizeable piece of

space hardware. We see an assortment of modules and solar

panelling arranged radially around a core rocket segment. DRG

picks up a receiver and listens.

*Mir Space Station. To switch to Russian, press 1 now. For

Vulcan, press 2 now. For Klingon, press 3 now. For English,

stay on the line*

He presses 3.

*mIr Datu'. cha'maHDIch vatlhDaq 'oH ghomta' yejmeyDIvI'.

tengchaHvamDaq pagh tlham taHghach tamey law' chavta' beqpu'*

["You are looking at Mir. The Soviet Union assembled it in

the twentieth century. Crewmembers achieved numerous zero-

gravity endurance records on this space station.]

Further down the observation deck, at a souvenir kiosk,

Montgomery Scott is writing a postcard to his great-great-grand-

nephew's two kids. Voiceover:

"Dear Alasdair and Jeannie,

Here I am at the space vessel museum. There are many

interesting things to see here. The picture is of the USS

Potemkin, NCC-1657, a ship very much like our old Enterprise,

except that the Chief Engineer for some reason entirely beyond

human understanding kept his power transfer conduit plasma

injectors set at a constant 37.8 nanosecond cycle which, as you

children will appreciate, would lead almost invariably to a 5 or

God help us even 10 millisecond timing discrepancy in warp

velocity adjustments of over three magnitudes, the resulting

long-term distortion effects of which, I am sure you children

will readily agree, are simply horrifying to contemplate. You

can see the structural fatigue from the observation deck! I

trust you children will listen to your mother and never do the

same.

Love, Scotty"

While Scotty has been writing we have been parked just

across the counter, watching. After a while, though, our

attention has wandered and we have begun to watch a very old

gentleman totter by. As Scotty is signing off the old gentleman

comes over and exclaims:

"Scotty, can it be you?"

Scotty turns and glances over his reading glasses.

"Dr McCoy! I'd heard you were still kickin about, but I

never thought I'd meet you in this old junk yard!"

McCoy taps him on the arm with a forefinger, leans closer,

and says, "I'm on a mission."

"Don't tell me you're still on active service! Did the

pension fund run out?"

"Say now, you're talking to an admiral! I make the rules

now! If I want to keep my hand in, it's my business."

"Oh, you don't have to tell me. Retirement's nothing but a

make-work programme for spotty young know-nothings. I'm sure

half of the youngsters coming up today couldn't find their own

heads if they weren't stapled on. Take that one for instance."

Shot of Door Repair Guy wandering down the observation deck

with a piece of cardboard marked BAJOR in one hand.

"I see what you mean."

"Crawlspace. The final frontier. These are the voyages of

The Door Repair Guy. His mission: to install and maintain

proximity-activated entranceways, to stake out new rooms and new

service conduits -- to boldly go where no one with a pass key has

gone before."

Grainy film-library clip of Skylab in orbit, complete with

undeployed solar wing and orange tarp.

Star Trek: Door Repair Guy

Starring

Door Repair Guy as

Himself

Grainy film-library clip of Soyuz-era Soviet cosmonaut

performing space walk.

Also Starring

James Doohan as

Captain Montgomery Scott

DeForest Kelley as

Admiral Leonard McCoy

Walter Koenig as

Chekov

Grainy film-library clip of Alan Shepherd golfing on the

Moon.

And

Michelle Pfieffer as

Tanya

Jon Voight as

Vanya

Grainy film-library clip of Saturn V second stage booster

separation.

[Commercial: Paramount Canada's Wonderland]

DRG comes up to the table where Scotty and McCoy have seated

themselves.

McCoy: "Young man, am I to understand you require passage to

Bajor?"

"Mmmmmmmmmm. Yes."

"Well, it just so happens that my friend here has a

shuttlecraft."

Scotty sits back.

"I wasn't planning . . . ."

McCoy gives him a "play along with me" look.

"Och, weel, I think I might be swinging past there in the

next week or two."

"That's swell! Since I lost touch with the Enterprise I've

had the darnedest time even getting near the place."

Two jaws drop.

"Enterprise!"

"Why [innocent blinking look] yes."

"Look here, son, I can tell when I'm being strung a line."

"No, it's true! We just got back from the Cuniculi Cluster,

and I was . . . held up . . . repairing the space doors on

Starbase 106. I missed my flight."

McCoy turns to Scotty.

"That Cuniculi thing is still classified."

Scotty fixes DRG a look.

"How many kilohertz must shield generator output be

upshifted to compensate for translational interaction between the

warp field and the deflector shield spatial distortion effect?"

"I don't know!"

"What is the primary function of Enterprise's lateral sensor

array pallet number three?"

"Beats me!"

"All right, now, laddie. You are in the starboard warp

nacelle monitoring station with a bowl of hot oatmeal porridge on

which you have just sprinkled a tablespoonful of brown sugar.

How do you get that porridge to the bridge in the thirty-five

seconds it will take the sugar to melt entirely? And be warned,

you may not reheat it."

"No reheating? Then the transporter is out. It would bleed

off a lot of the interior temperature, leaving the porridge

rubbery and unappetizing."

"Good . . ."

"Well, then, it's gotta be by turbolift. But you need a

clear path. No rerouting. Okay. Service ladder to single

person support pylon turbolift to Deck 31. Cross the corridor to

shipwide turbolift system terminus. Pull the override panel and

input emergency repair override followed by restricted Eddie

Shack code. That'll clear the track. Step in and specify

Turboshaft 12, Deck 25, Turboshaft 8, Battle Bridge, Main Bridge.

Turbolift doors open. `Your porridge, Captain.'"

"Well done! You're in Maintenance Division, either food

replication systems or . . ."

"Door repair."

"Aye!"

"So you're saying he's legit?"

"Oh, aye. I've made that run myself. I can't think of a

better way to get the feel of a ship's intraship transport

system. Now, what about that mission of yours, Doctor?"

McCoy becomes serious.

"It's Chekov. You might not know this, having been out of

circulation, but after he retired from Starfleet he decided to

devote himself to the study of the effect on the human body of

prolonged periods of microgravity. Much of that work had been

left unfinished when artificial gravity was invented. He thought

it would be a good idea to convert the Mir space station back

into a working microgravity laboratory. He got the Mayor of

Zvezdny Gorodok behind it, and she got the United Earth Space

Probe Agency on side. He set up shop there twenty-seven years

ago, and has been living like a hermit there ever since. The

trouble is, he hasn't reported in for six days."

"Do you think he's kicked the bucket?"

"His instruments are still sending out life readings. but

they're strange. I thought I'd better look into it."

"I'll come with you."

"Take me too!"

"All right. But remember, it's zero-G."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning I want everybody to go to the gentlemen's room

before we leave."

[Commercial:

"We've made August's Taste of the Month a little Klingon!

For this month only it's rach!"

Customer comes to counter.

Employee: "What do you want?!"

Customer: "Rach! Quickly!"

Employee: "Here is your rach! What else do you want?"

Customer: "Egg McGakh!"

Employee: "Here is your Egg McGakh! Surely you want

something to drink!"

Customer: "Blood-wine! Suger-free!"

Employee: "Here! Drink up! Or are you a coward?"

Customer: "I will drink when it pleases me! Here is your

money!"

Employee: "Here is your change! You must have a good day!"]

Closeup of Mir Space Station. The camera moves past,

revealing layers of pealing paint. The Soviet flag can be seen

below its Russian successor, which is in turn covered over with

the emblem of the United Earth Space Probe Agency, itself

supplanted by the mountain and stars symbolism of Paramount

Pictures.

An interior view. The three investigators materialize in

the close confines and begin to float around. Scotty immediately

begins to examine the equipment. "Will ye look at these

antiques?" McCoy does a complete 360 degree flip and smiles, "I

feel younger already. Ouch!" Door Repair Guy brushes aside a

long pale tendril -- some sort of house plant? He cocks his ear.

"Did you hear that?"

"Here what?"

"I heard something."

"Probably Chekov. Chekov! It's Dr McCoy! And here's

Scotty!"

He brushes the tendril aside.

"There! I heard it again!"

"Describe it."

"Like a tiny scream."

"What direction?"

"I'm not sure."

"Scotty, check the service modules. We'll go this way."

Scotty swims away, knocking aside a couple of the tendrils.

"There! I heard it again."

McCoy and DRG move into the core section of the station. A

long pale branch twists and spirals down the length of it. The

Doctor begins to take readings off it. A concerned look crosses

his face. DRG is in the centre of the core section, pulling

himself along the pale tendril like a diver along an underwater

rope. He grabs a handhold and braces himself, the tendril in his

other hand. The thin screaming is almost constant.

"Look at this, Doctor!"

McCoy launches himself along, collides with DRG, and the two

wind up in a tangle with the pale tendril. The screams are now

nonstop.

"Look."

"A navel!"

Scotty comes swimming toward them.

"There are toenails at the end!"

"My God, I knew bodies elongated in zero-G, but I've never

seen anything like this!"

They all launch themselves toward the head end, and become

stuck in a hatchway.

"Pavel! We're coming!"

They undo themselves and, one by one, make their way into

the module containing Chekov's shoulders and head. His screaming

mouth is two feet long.

"Heaven help us!"

The top of Chekov's head has been tipped open and the brain

removed.

McCoy takes more readings.

"His body's still alive, operating on automatic functions."

"Poor Chekov. Screaming always came so naturally to him."

DRG: "But what about his brain? Who took it?"

Scotty and McCoy: "We know."

[Commercial:

"Weekdays at 9:00 a.m., it's Regis and Kathie Lee."]

View of Scotty's shuttlecraft speeding through space.

The interior. Scotty is in the pilot's chair. McCoy is in

the rear, administering a hypospray to the loosely bundled up

body of Chekov. Door Repair Guy bobs around the cabin in

exaggerated bounces. Gravity has been set at a fraction of

normal-G to protect Chekov who is obviously unfit for weight of

any kind. McCoy is explaining:

"The inhabitants of the planet Sigma Draconis VI were

divided into two groups: the surface-dwelling Morgs, a collection

of neolithic cavemen, and the Eymorgs, a sophisticated group of

women inhabiting an advanced underground city governed by a

computer system called the Controller. The Eymorgs were highly

educated, but for only short periods of time. The Controller had

an interface called the Teacher which the Eymorgs would

periodically place on their heads to have their IQs enlarged."

"Sort of a brain-do."

"Exactly. Somehow the effect wore off after a time. About

eighty years ago, when Scotty and I were serving aboard the old

Enterprise, the Controller crashed, and the Eymorgs came looking

for a replacement."

Scotty, shouting over his shoulder: "They took Spock's

brain."

"That's right. And we went to get it back. The Enterprise

warped out to Sigma Draconis VI. I put on the Teacher and

learned how to reattach Spock's brain, but the effect wore off in

the middle of the operation and I almost didn't get the job done.

Captain Kirk decided that life under the computer was unnatural .

. ."

". . . so he taught the inhabitants about sex and left them

to develop from there."

"You know the story!"

"I've heard it before."

"So you see, laddie, all that needs be done is another

session with the Teacher and Bob's your uncle."

"There's more to it than that, dammit! That thing nearly

killed me!"

"Och, whatever you say. Tch!"

"When in God's name do we get there, anyway?"

"Coming up on it now. Dinna get your briefs in a tangle."

DRG: "There's a message coming in."

"On screen."

On screen is the image of a Morg, but a highly civilized

Morg (in a Victorian sort of way) with high-collared lapels,

brilliantined hair parted in the middle, and curling mustaches.

*You have trespassed upon Wemorg space. In the name of

honour you leave us no alternative but to fire upon you*

Explosions rock the vessel. Scotty grabs the console before

him and shouts: "Ye've stolen Chekov's brain, ye damned

Neanderthals!"

The Morg glances off-screen and says:

*Don't look, darling. It's too ghastly*

Instruments burst into showers of sparks. Scotty wrestles

with the controls as McCoy shouts, Chekov screams, and Door

Repair Guy twirls over and over, spraying fire-retardant in all

directions.

Exterior shot of the shuttlecraft rocking and jolting amidst

brilliant explosions.

[Bob:

Bob leans forward to speak but the prop television explodes

in a shower of pyrotechnics! He is thrown against the back of

the couch! An explosion goes off to his right, throwing him

stage right! An explosion to the left of the couch throws him

stage left! (Stage directions are from the audience's

perspective. Stage right is to the actor's left, and stage left

is to the actor's right. So the physical law about every action

having an equal and opposite reaction remains in force, even at

CHRO.) Cables and girders descend! The floor director dashes

into the shot, shouting "Emergency beamout!" into his headset.

The director and a very shell-shocked Bob disappear in the

transporter effect just as the whole couch goes up in a ball of

fire!]

[Commercial: _Blown Away_]

A view of the shuttlecraft at rest, scorched and battered,

on the planet's surface. Cut to the interior. There is no one

there.

A room beneath the planet's surface. The decor is very

nineteenth-century -- not full-blown Victorian bric-a-brac, but

of a similar era. There is an austere, woody, wintry look to it.

Nineteenth-century Canada? No, not quite. Scotty is flaked out

on a divan. DRG lies on his back on the floor, balancing the

heel of one foot on the toe of the other. McCoy is fretting

around the form of Chekov, who is folded several times on an

ottoman.

The door opens. Enter a Morg in late-nineteenth century

frock-coat and high collars and an Eymorg in a short black jacket

and floor-length black skirts.

"I am Vanya."

"And I am Tanya."

McCoy leaps at them.

"You stole Chekov's brain! Without it he'll die!"

Vanya nods sadly.

"Yes, we are aware of that."

Tanya puts a hand to her temple. "It is sad." She seems to

have a migraine.

"Well, what in blue blazes are you going to do about it?"

"We would like you to take it back."

"Huh?"

"It is not what we expected."

"Come, we will show you."

Vanya waits as Tanya exits the room, then beckons to the

others. DRG leaps up, but McCoy shouts, "Hey!" and indicates

Chekov, and DRG returns and hoists Chekov up over his shoulder

like a roll of loose firehose. They all proceed down a corridor.

Vanya explains:

"No doubt you are aware of the history of our planet. After

the departure of the Enterprise we began to build a society in

which Morg and Eymorg could live together. At first it was

difficult. The Morg were cavemen, the Eymorg . . . cosmeticians.

It first, all we had in common was . . . bowling. You may have

forgotten that there are in truth three inhabited planets in our

star system. The inhabitants of Sigma Draconis IV possessed a

culture equivalent to your own twenty-first century."

Tanya: "Their planet is hidden by orbiting debris."

Vanya: "They reached our world soon after the Enterprise

departed, bringing their own culture, as well as certain

Federation influences. One of these was Chekhov."

Tanya: "We fell in love with Chekhov. We wanted to be

everything we found in his writings: privileged, bored, tragic."

Vanya: "Soon the invaders left. They were more . . .

carefree. They found life here . . . morose."

Tanya: "But we found that if we were to protect ourselves

from future invasion we needed the Controller. But the

Controller must have a mind. What better mind than Chekhov?"

Scotty: "But you got the wrong man!"

Vanya halts beside a door.

"You are correct."

The door slides open. The disembodied voice of Chekov can

be heard:

"You are in a position to demand nothing! Admiral Kirk, he

tasks me! Mine is the superior intellect! I never forget a

face! From the fires of Hell I spit at thee! Full impulse

power!"

McCoy: "My God!"

DRG: "He's lost it."

Scotty: "Poor man, the solitude's addled his brain."

Vanya: "Which is why you must return it to its body, and

take it to a professional."

Tanya: "We do so hate to see suffering."

McCoy: "Prepare the operating theatre."

DRG: "Cool!"

[Commercial:Jolt Cola]

Shot of the Teacher.

"You're really going to put your head in that?"

"I have no choice, have I? I'm the only surgeon here!"

"But you're 146 years old!"

"I can still hold a scalpel!"

"Ach. On you go, then."

Close-up of McCoy lowering the Teacher onto his head. His

eyes bulge. He passes out.

"Tch, tch. I told you. Now what'll we do?"

DRG: "I'll put it on."

"But you're a mechanic! It'll never work!"

Tanya: "Perhaps the Teacher can impart basic surgical skills

in addition to the intricacies of brain surgury."

"Yeah!"

"Suit yourself. Do what you will. But I'm warning you.

I'll not bear responsiblity."

"No problem!"

DRG sets the Teacher on his head. He squeezes his eyes

shut. He grits his teeth. He twitches his facial muscles. Then

a look of professional detachment comes over his face.

"Why, it's simple. An idiot could do it."

Film montage of Door Repair Guy reinstalling Chekov's brain.

The procedure is complicated by the elongated nature of both the

organ and the skull. Scotty paces up and down. Tanya grasps

Vanya by the arm. McCoy groans and sits up.

"My God! You're letting him do the operation? He's a door

mechanic, not a doctor! How long has it been? Has the effect

begun to wear off yet?"

As if on cue, Door Repair Guy staggers back from the table

and wipes his forehead.

"I could sure go for a Jolt Cola right about now."

Vanya passes him a Jolt Cola. He downs it and comes to. He

gets back to work.

McCoy: "That's the most brutal product placement I've ever

seen."

Door Repair Guy throws down his instrument.

"Done!"

"What? Done?" McCoy hurries up to examine the patient.

"Pavel! How do you feel?"

"Wery heavy."

"You've got some intensive physiotherapy ahead of you, young

man, but we'll soon have you back to your own height."

"Could you stop around five foot elewen?"

"That's our old Chekov," exclaims Scotty, as he slaps him on

the shoulder.

"AAAAAAaaaaaAAaAAaAAaaaaaaaAAAAggGGhhhhGhhhhhHHHHHHHHH!"

The shuttlecraft speeds through space.

Scotty: "Five minutes to rendezvous with Bolian freighter."

DRG: "Well, guys, it's been a blast."

McCoy reaches over and grabs him by the arm.

"One thing, young man. How long was it before the Teacher's

effect wore off?"

"It hasn't. I feel I could do the operation again right

now."

"Of all the unfair . . . !"

Scotty: "Tut, tut, Doctor. A wee bit of professional

jealousy?"

McCoy: "He's no professional! Listen here, son, if I hear

anything about you performing unlicensed brain surgery anywhere

in the Federation I'll have the entire Starfleet Security Section

down on your head so hard you'll wish you'd stood home in bed!

You hear me?"

"All right! I get the picture!"

The shuttlecraft speeds to the rendezvous.

[Enter Yeliena Andryeevna.]

Yeliena [opens the windows]: "The storm's over. What lovely

fresh air! [A pause.] Where's the doctor?"

Sonia: "He's gone."

[A pause.]

Yeliena: "Sophie!"

Sonia: "What?"

Yeliena: "I left my last Jolt Cola right here. Did someone drink

it?"

Sonia: "And if someone did? We must go on living. We shall go

on living. We shall live through a long, long succession of

days and tedious evenings. We shall patiently suffer the

trials which Fate imposes on us; we shall work for others,

now and in our old age, and we shall have no rest. When our

time comes we shall die submissively, and over there, beyond

the grave, we shall say that we've suffered, that we've

wept, that we've had a bitter life, and God will take pity

on us."

Yeliena: "Found it!"

------------

Written by Douglas A. McLeod (ai919@freenet.carleton.ca)

------------

Notes on Chekov's Brain.

Lagrange points. Specifically the Earth-Moon L4 and L5 points. The L5 Society was big in the Seventies.

Mir. And here.

First use of the Klingon noun "ta" to mean "best performance".

Scotty's disdain at the condition of the Potemkin borrows from Flann O'Brien's "For Steam Men".

Opening credits anticipate Star Trek: Enterprise, I notice.

You can make good Star Trek out of any random assortment of characters. I'm surprised they didn't mix up the various series more.

SCTV did the Chekov/Chekhov joke in season one.

Oh how I laughed as I placed a Jolt Cola in Uncle Vanya.

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Plenty of Nothing

Heather and Douglas

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22 December 2011

Unarigoe, Chapter 2, Page 7

21 December 2011

Gimli, 1935

20 December 2011

Unarigoe, Chapter 2, Page 6

19 December 2011

Shaolin Cricket, Part Six

18 December 2011

Unarigoe, Chapter 2, Page 5

17 December 2011

Release the Hounds

16 December 2011

The Annotated Door Repair Guy, episode 19

Snowball Fight, 1896

15 December 2011

Marginal Road, No. 7

14 December 2011

The Red and the Black, Part XII

May 2012

He Drew

He Wrote

He Just Read

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