Q: What do you know about the Greenock Coin Hoard?
A: Those are the ones who bring a pocketful of pre-decimal pennies to a game so they can whip them at your heid!
Q: No, that would be the Greenock Coin Horde.
A: Well then I don't know.
Q: Well, then.... (For the link lazy: A cow's horn containing several dozen coins from the reigns of Mary Queen of Scots and James VI was found in Braeside, Greenock, by three men digging a sewer in 1955. Those coins not distributed to the children who had clustered around to gawp are now to be seen in the McLean Museum.)
A: Jings.
Q: Can we have a quick overview of Morton's 2011-12 season?
A: Fire. Flood. Shipwreck. Buddies.
Q: How have Morton fared against the other nine First Division clubs this season? A:
Against Ayr United: 3 wins and 1 draw, for 10 points. 8 goals for, 2 goals against.
Against Falkirk: 2 wins, 1 draw, 1 loss, for 7 points. 5 goals for, 3 goals against.
Against Dundee: 2 wins, 2 losses, for 6 points. 3 goals for, 4 goals against.
Against Livingston: 1 win, 2 draws, 1 loss, for 5 points. 4 goals for, 5 goals against.
Against Partick Thistle: 1 win, 1 draw, 2 losses, for 4 points. 2 goals for, 6 goals against.
Against Ross County: 3 draws, 1 loss, for 3 points. 3 goals for, 5 goals against.
Against Hamilton Academical: 1 win, 3 losses, for 3 points. 6 goals for, 9 goals against. Plus Hamilton beat them 2 - 1 in the (Ramsdens) Challenge Cup quarter-final.
Against Queen of the South: 2 draws, 2 losses, for 2 points. 6 goals for, 10 goals against.
[Against Raith Rovers: 2 draws, 2 losses, for 2 points. 3 goals for, 10 goals against. But Morton eliminated Raith in the fourth round of the Scottish Cup.]
[It's interesting that the Ton had the most trouble against tenth-place QoS and seventh-place Raith.]
Today Morton host Raith Rovers in the final league match of the season. If Raith win the Rovers take seventh place. A draw or a Morton victory give seventh to the Ton. For Raith to finish ninth, they must lose and Ayr must beat Falkirk in such a way that Ayr make up a goal difference of 17.
[Morton 1 - 3 Raith. Morton goal by Hawke. Morton finish eighth with 42 points and a minus 15 goal difference. Despite their surprising start they end up a little worse than last year.]
Inverness Caledonian Thistle have secured their place in next season's SPL, so the Highland derby is on. Depending on the pace of the upgrades at Victoria Park, Ross County may groundshare with them for the first while. Dunfermline can be relegated this weekend. [If Mondays are a part of the weekend.] The SPL ends its season next Saturday.
Summer football. Thursday Mito HollyHock were in Gifu. [And won.] Yesterday UCD visited Shamrock Rovers. [2 - 2.] Today Pohang Steelers visit Seoul. [Seoul win 2 - 1.] Montreal Impact are in KC to play Sporting Kansas City FC.
Today it's Chelsea versus Liverpool in the FA Cup Final. [Chelsea win.]
Chelsea want to purchase the Battersea Power Station and turn it into a 60,000 seat stadium. And pigs will fly! Oh, wait.