Plenty of Nothing

Squeegee Kid

I drew this picture using the Microsoft Windows 95 Paint program ten years and two or three computers ago.  In 1996 the corner of Rideau and Colonel By was permanently staffed by punky kids with squeegees.  Drivers hated them and eventually the province passed a law against their activities.  But they were my heroes.  This one is the fictional Cathy Deirdre Zinck, aka Zinck, or Jen if there are cops around.  She got the receipt for her squeegee laminated in case someone claimed it was stolen from the gas station at Rideau and King Edward.  Zinck lived in a tent on LeBreton Flats with her friend Dana Louise, aka Jan.  They used to hit me up for beer money.

Douglas

Saw This Coming

Quebec nation wants a hockey team.  Luckily the story broke on Monday, so we have practically a whole week to get it in place before Coach's Corner airs.  Why isn't a Quebec national hockey team an outrage?  Because of the Scottish national soccer team, and the Welsh national rugby team.  Won't a Quebec national hockey team screw Canada's chances for gold?  No, because Canada has enough great hockey players to stock two gold medal teams.  Canada versus Quebec.  Wouldn't that pack the stands?  And a Quebec team will increase the number of top tier national teams to eight, an ideal number for playoffs.  It's win/win, unless you're Latvia. 

I Never Eat November Snowflakes

ABC is showing A Charlie Brown Christmas tonight, November 28th!  If Christmas were one of those holidays that must fall on a Monday, I'd understand A Charlie Brown Christmas occasionally sliding into November.  But it isn't, so it shouldn't!  First week of December, please!

Christmas is getting too commercial.

Douglas

It Wasn't That Odd. Really.

H, picks up phone and dials his work number.
D, answers: "Hello Fragrant WorkPlace."
H: "Do we have a hacksaw?"
D: silence.
H: "So, do we have a hacksaw?"
D: "Yeeessss. It's in the toolbox."
H: "Ok, bye."
D: "Wait. Wait. "
H: silence.
D: "What do you need the hack saw for?"
H: "To hack something."
D: "Can't it wait till I get home?"
H: "Nope. Gotta do it now."
D: "Do what?"
H: "Hack off that rusty-shower-thing. I got a new one."
D: "Use the red-handled wire cutters."
H: "Didn't work. Gonna use that hack saw. Gotta go. Bye"
D: "Wait. Wa. . ."
Click.

It's a crap excuse for a hack saw. Blade doesn't stay in place. But it was better than the pruning saw, the wire strippers, the exacto knife, and the wire cutters. I have defeated the rusting-shower-thing.

There's the phone.

H: picking up the phone but saying nothing as an attempt to foil the telemarketers
D: "Hello. Hello. Hello."
H: "Oh hi"
D: "So how many fingers do you have?"
H: "Enough. Why?"
D: "Weeelll. The line was busy. And I thought maybe you'd had to call emergency and then left the phone off the hook."
H: "But why."
D: "The hack saw. You. Teetering on the edge of the tub. Whack. Slip. Blood."
H: "I used a chair."
D: "Okaaaay."
H: "That's a crap hack saw. And you need a new blade."
D: "Okaaay. I'll see you later."
H: "Yup. Bye."

You know, since he's already imagining blood-spattered bathrooms, this may not be a good time to recommend Haddon's Spot of Bother which I finished yesterday even though I did have to close my eyes for a bit in the middle.

Heather

Good Screen | Bad Screen

So yesterday was "No Screens" day chez nous. I spend most of my work week staring at computer screens and a lamentable part of my free time staring at more screens. And as the season of increased irritation rolled round, I snapped.

The No Screens Measure was invoked householdwide. No vetos allowed. No computers and no televison and no dvds. Householders had to fall back on old-fangled amusements.

Much paper was used. Drawing pencils and beading needles were seen in action. Naps were had. Three and a half books were read. Actual conversations took place.

Verdict on No Screens: Some twitchiness observed at usual-podcast-listening time. Additional twitchiness observed at Google/Wikipedia withdrawal. Less inner twitchiness reported by all householders.

Heather

Mark Marsters, Wellington Street

Skellefteå Resurgent

The Elitserien took nearly two weeks off to accommodate the four-nation Karjala tournament in Finland.  Sweden came in last.  But the return to league play revealed a new powerhouse: Skellefteå.  The black and gold have taken four of five since the break.  They beat Malmö 3 to 1 on November 14.  If our guys want to make the playoffs they have to keep wiping their feet on doormats like the Redhawks.  A 6 to 2 loss to HV71 followed on November 16.  It was their first encounter with the Blue Bulls this season.  HV71 is sponsored by Husqvarna, makers of fine chainsaws.  A 3 to 1 victory over league-leading Timrå followed on November 18.  On November 21 they beat Mora 2 to 1, and Frölunda 5 to 2 on November 23.

I can't figure out Frölunda.  They won the playoffs in the NHL lockout year.  This year they're struggling not to finish twelfth.  Is it Tommy Salo?  He's the fifteenth-ranked goalie (in a twelve team league) with a GAA of 3.57 and save percentage of 87.59.

At the other end of "Where are they now?" is Roman Cechmanek, playing for Linköping.  He's second among goalies with 2.06 and 92.77.

Table of Content

1.  Puns, Happiness Caused by

I don't know why some people hate puns.  Puns make me happy.

2.  Puns as Happy Accidents

Chinese-speakers sometimes have difficulty with number in English grammar, i.e., when to make a noun singular or plural.  Long ago when I was trying to scratch a living by typing for students, I got a handwritten manuscript from a group of Chinese students who had designed a business plan for a Chinese bakery.  At the top of the contents page they had written TABLE OF CONTENT.  That would have made a nice name for their bakery, but they didn't go for it.

3.  Puns in Art

The words for "bat" and "happiness" are the same in Chinese, and a bat is often used to represent happiness in art.

Douglas

Mark Marsters, Budapest Deli

NWHL

As advertised, here's the first of probably a semi-regular series of digressions on women's hockey, boiled down from the best internet sources and blemished by my own insights.

NWHL.  The National Women's Hockey League is the top senior women's league in the world, and would be the hockey equivalent of the WNBA if somebody'd put some money behind it.  It's all about the marketing, folks.*  The league draws together teams from a variety of local traditions with differing organizational cultures, and as a result has had a pretty fractious history.  The western and eastern wings only just got back together after splitting into rival leagues a couple of years ago.  The truce may have been prompted by the embarrassment of having no agreed-on method of awarding the new Clarkson Cup, donated by the Governor-General to represent women's hockey supremacy.  Sounds a bit like the early history of the Stanley Cup.

The league has three geographical divisions: West, Central and East.  Much of the league play is divisional to keep the travel expenses down.  The West Division is the recently independent WWHL, probably the better of the two rival leagues.  The Edmonton Chimos have a long tradition, though the Calgary Oval X-Treme, with their Olympic facilities and wealth of national team players, have in recent years been the best club.

The Central division is a group of Toronto area clubs, the most successful of which has been the Aeros, Angela James' old team.  This group of clubs used to be the Central Ontario Women's Hockey League, and was the driving force behind the organization of a national league, partly I think to escape their unfortunate acronym.  The East Division is basically a Quebec league, plus Ottawa.

Many of the NWHL clubs are clubs in the real sense, in that they develop their own players through the midget and junior levels.  The league does play second fiddle to the national programme, and teams must do without their top players during international tournaments and Olympic years.  Their rosters also usually show a shortage of university-age players.  A player might start in the NWHL as  a highschooler, go off to university or the national programme, then come back and play well into her thirties.

This is a non-Olympic year, so the clubs favoured by Canadian national team members are cleaning up.  Which is to say the Ottawa Raiders are struggling.  I hope to get to an upcoming Ottawa game against Brampton.

Next time, CIS.

*Hockey cards in the Quaker Oats legitimized both the NHL and WHA.

Douglas