Heather and Douglas

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In the Bookcases


« Lynda Barry | Main | Lily of the Valley »

30 June 2008



I hope for a long plateau as well. The cleaning out was an act of love for a person no longer able to do so for themselves.

Oddly, the I could really identify with your mother, as she tries to act and continue both with life and to do acts of meaning and caring, but without the realization of her limitations.

I know it is sad but I like that her plans go on, it tells me that she is a doer, and though now, may need to be protected and loved, during frustration and sadness, that her spirit to keep doing is still there.

I'm sorry, and also apologize if this comment moves too much into your personal life or space.


Hey Elizabeth--no need to apologize. Yes, it is a good thing that my Mum goes on with her plans. I have an expedition planned to buy her some things for a project that I know she won't finish. But the idea of finishing a particular piece of needlepoint makes her happy and I'm glad I'm able to help her with that. In many ways it's irrelevant that I know that what she's planning is probably impossible.

The trick in all of this is remembering that my sadness is very different than hers. She's stricken by having to give up a house she worked very hard buy and very hard to make her home. She was happy there and most fully herself I think. I'm stricken by knowing how she's lost very much more than a house.

Oddly, reading your posts about what it's like to have seizures and temporary memory losses have been helpful. Given the state of her dementia, my Mum can't understand what's happening and can't fully articulate it. But I'm not so sure that she doesn't feel the same sorts of things you do. When I'm frustrated by something, I remember that.

I miss the person she was and love the person she is.

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