Plenty of Nothing

The Secret of Kells

If you have not seen The Secret of Kells then you have a treat in store, as it is probably the most beautifully coloured film ever made.

Serena Ryder Sings "The Sisters of Mercy"

Listen here.

Unarigoe, Chapter 4, Page 3

Osaka #247

The Edmonton Radial Rail Society maintains and runs a fleet of streetcars preserved from Edmonton's rail past, and from other cities in Canada and overseas, including #247 from Osaka, Japan. I originally learned about the railway and this expatriate Japanese streetcar at From Japan. There are more pictures here. Check this site for a map of Edmonton's streetcar network in its heyday.

Genshiken Desk Calendar

It's appropriate to be a complete nerd about Genshiken, because Genshiken is about nerddom.

Each month around the 21st I check Amazon.co.jp to see when the new Afternoon Magazine will drop, and once that day arrives (or rather on noon of the day before because of the time difference) I start to search on the term げんしけん with a view to finding a few panels from the new chapter on some Japanese fan's blog. You can usually get a scan of the whole chapter in Japanese within a couple of days, but I'm really sick of how those sites try to monetize their piracy. And usually within a couple of weeks there's a excellent scanlation available from a dedicated amateur whose work I respect, so I'm happy to wait for that. And in the meantime there's always a spoiler article at Ogiue Maniax which I can never resist reading. You can rest assured I will buy the Kodansha release when it comes out, because I must have it in English-language paperback format, and oh yeah it's the right thing to do. But until then I scrounge for tidbits, like the image above.

I had no idea there were Genshiken calendars. This one, currently available at Amazon.co.jp, dates from 2004, or around the time of volume 3. 

About Pohang Steelers

South Korea had little steel industry to speak of in 1968 when Pohang Iron and Steel Company was founded under the Park regime's second five year plan. POSCO subsequently become a huge power in the international steel market, and a major player in the decline of steel production in the US and UK. In 1973 they started a company soccer team. Over the years POSCO FC became POSCO Dolphins, POSCO Atoms, and ultimately Pohang Steelers.

Pohang Steelers play at the Pohang Steel Yard, a 25,000 seat stadium built in 1990. Their colours are red and black, worn in the style of the Beano's Dennis the Menace. The four stars atop the team logo represent the club's championship seasons of 1986, 1988, 1992 and 2007. They have also won the AFC Champions League three times, in 1997, 1998 and 2009.

Last season they finished second in the league table. The K-League holds a playoff for league championship, but Pohang lost in the semi-finals. The Steelers were also eliminated in the semi-finals of the Korean FA Cup, and the quarter-finals of the league cup. But their strong standing earned them a spot in the qualifying playoff for this year's AFC Champions League. They beat Chonburi of Thailand 2 - 0 and moved on to Group E, with Adelaide United, Bunyodkor of Uzbekistan, and Gamba Osaka. Pohang finished third in that group and did not advance to the final 16.

After 13 league games Pohang sit seventh with 5 wins, 3 draws and 5 losses. Their top scorers are both imports, Ianis Zicu from Romania and Derek Asamoah of Ghana. Today they host Gyeongnam FC, another red and black club. [Gyeongnam win 1 - 0.]

Elsewhere in soccer. Yesterday UCD hosted Phoenix FC in the second round of the FAI Cup. This evening Montreal Impact play Colorado Rapids in Commerce City, CO. Mito HollyHock visit Machida Zelvia tomorrow. [UCD 3 - 1 Phoenic FC. Cup holders Sligo Rovers were eliminated by Monaghan United.] [Colorado win 3 - 2.] [Machida 0 - 0 Mito.]

Is Toronto FC the worst team in the world?

The Scottish Junior Cup final between Shotts Bon Accord and incumbent Auckinleck Talbot will take place tomorrow at Almondvale Stadium. [Shotts win 2 - 1.]

The Annotated Door Repair Guy, episode 42

 

Trial and Error

Sound effect: ka-thunk.

 

                    DS9 Security Office

                    Stardate 50156.2

 

     The doors to Odo's office slide open to admit a short

balding man carrying a large briefcase.  The man steps up and

hoists the briefcase onto Odo's desk.

     Odo (looking up from his work): "May I help you?"

     "Samuel T. Cogley IV, Attorney at Law, for Door Repair Guy."

     "Oh no, you don't.  I've fallen for that one before.  You're

a shapeshifter, aren't you?"

     "I most certainly am not."

     "Prove it."

     "What do you want?  Would a nosebleed satisfy you?"

     "Yes.  Or do you have a better idea?"

     "We could stand here arguing about it until one of us turns

to liquid.  I assure you I'd win."

     "Hmph.  I haven't the time for that."  He taps his

commbadge.  "Odo to Commander Sisko."

     *Sisko here.  What is it, Constable?*

     "I have a being here who claims to be Samuel T. Cogley IV, a

lawyer.  I'm about to give him the bum's rush.  Do you know any

reason why I shouldn't?"

     *For heaven's sake, Odo, he's one of the most famous lawyers

in the Federation!  I just greeted him myself here at Ops!  Let

him in to see the prisoner!*

     "Grrr.  All right.  In you go.  But the file stays here."

     Cogley opens the briefcase, takes out a large rasp file, and

throws it on the desk.

     They enter the confinement area.  Two security guards are

seated in DRG's cell, one handcuffed to him on either side.

     "You have a visitor."

     DRG sits up.  Cogley steps up to the security forcefield and

pokes at it with a pencil.  It sparks and shimmers.

     Cogley: "Is this really necessary?"

     Odo: "Yes, it is.  And don't expect me to turn off the

transporter damping field."

     Cogley (to Door Repair Guy): "Do you have a lawyer?"

     "Jeez, I never thought about that."

     "Well, you have one now."

     "Does it cost money?  Cause I'm broke."

     "Not to worry.  This should prove to be a groundbreaking

case in a number of ways.  Sign over the holosuite simulation

rights and we'll be even."

     "Okay, you're on.  Hey, wait a minute.  Are you any good? 

How do I know you've got what it takes?"

     Cogley sets the briefcase down and opens it up.

     "Do you know what these are?"

     DRG cranes to see what's in the case.

     "Eight-tracks!"

     Cogley: "Yes, eight-tracks.  Hundreds and hundreds of eight-

tracks.  That's what you have going for you with me as your

lawyer."

     Shot of a beaming DRG holding two thumbs up, much to the

irritation of the two sleep-deprived guards.

 

     An icy asteroid rolls by, spewing cometary material.

     "Crawlspace.  The final frontier.  These are the voyages of

The Door Repair Guy.  His mission: to install and maintain

proximity-activated entranceways, to stake out new rooms and new

service conduits -- to boldly go where no one with a pass key has

gone before."

     Deep Space Nine space station drifts into view.  A runabout

shoots past, revealing the words:

 

               Star Trek: Door Repair Guy

 

                         Starring

 

                    Door Repair Guy as

                         Himself

 

                    James Earl Jones as

                    The Judge Advocate General

 

                    Michael Moriarty as

                    Commander Stone

 

                    Jill Hennesy as

                    Lieutenant T'Gel

 

                    Clint Howard as

                    Samuel T. Cogley IV

 

                    Avery Brooks as

                    Benjamin Sisko

 

                    Rene Auberjonois as

                         Odo

 

                    Natalia Nogulich as

                    Admiral Nechayev

 

                    Clyde Kusatsu as

                    Admiral Nakamura

 

[Commercial:

     Shot of Lursa and B'Etor pounding a table with their fists.

     Quark: "All right, ladies, what'll it be?  Warnog?  Klingon

bloodwine?  Fruit nectar, perhaps?"

     Lursa curls her lip.

     "Cotes de Duras!"

     B'Etor: "Don't make us wait any longer!"

     "Cotes de Duras it is."

     Shot of the sisters clinking their glasses, downing the

wine, tossing the glasses in opposite directions and grunting

with satisfaction.  They turn to the camera.

     B'Etor: "Cotes de DuraS."

     Lursa: "May your blood scream."]

 

Ka-thunk.

                         DS9 Wardroom

                         Stardate 50156.4

 

     Shot of a Starfleet officer in dress uniform lifting two

stem-glasses off a waiter's tray and turning toward a cluster of

similarly well-dressed figures across the crowded wardroom.  The

camera follows behind him, moves past shoulders and backs as we

catch snippets of shop talk, continues around an elbow and

realizes at the last possible moment that it's heading for a

conclave of ladder-climbing subalterns, spots Commander Sisko in

conversation with the Judge Advocate General out the corner of

the lense, and rapidly changes direction toward them.

     Sisko: "The Bozeman has just docked with the last of the

subpoenaed witnesses aboard."

     JAG: "Excellent news, Commander."

     Sisko: "Security has been stepped up around the holding

area, courtroom and intercommunicating passages, and the station

as a whole will be kept on Yellow Alert for the duration of the

trial.  I can guarantee you there will be no unauthorized beam-

outs while my officers are on duty." 

     JAG: "Commander Sisko, I commend your diligence in support

of these proceedings, but if there's one thing I've learned in

twenty-five years in the JAG office it's that no amount of

planning can deflect an incoming screw-up.  Just last month I was

conducting a trial on Starbase 106, and right in the middle of

the defence's summation a piece of space debris vectored in and

took out a courtroom window.  If it weren't for the emergency

containment field we'd have all been blown out into space. 

Turned out to be a beer bottle.  How long it'd been orbiting the

station no one knew.  So I'm telling you that as surely as a

verdict will be handed down at the conclusion of this trial, some

damn thing is bound to come up in the interrum and have us all

pulling out our hair."

     Sisko: "Perhaps there's some way to avoid that."

     JAG (laughs): "Short of shaving your head I don't know

what."

     Shot of Sisko considering it.

     "Ahem."

     "Commodore Jones, allow me to introduce Dr Julian Bashir."

     "A pleasure, Commodore."

     "Doctor.  Commander Sisko and I have been discussing the

security arrangements for the upcoming trial.  He's concerned

that the accused may find an opportunity to transport himself out

of his keepers' hands and make a getaway.  Is there any way that

his Borg implants might be . . . turned off?"

     "I'd have to consult with the designer, but in principle I

don't see why not."

     "Look into it, like a good fellow.  I'll receive your report

at 1800 hours."

     "Aye, aye, sir.  I'll just go and . . . look into it."

     Bashir casts around for some place to put his glass, fails

to locate one, and in the end takes the glass with him out the

door.  The Judge Advocate General begins to shake with mirth.

     "I love doing that to junior officers."

     "I sincerely hope, sir, that you intend to forewarn the

defence before tinkering with the suspect.  I'd hate to give them

that sort of ammunition the day before opening statements."

     Sisko and Commodore Jones turn to see the Chief Prosecutor

(played by Michael Moriarty).

     JAG: "Ah, Commander Benjamin Sisko, allow me to introduce

Commander Benjamin Stone.  Commander, Commander."

     "Commander."

     "Commander."

     JAG: "Now, really, gentleman, this is a social occasion."

     "Benjamin."

     "Benjamin."

     JAG: "I suppose you know Cogley's on the case."

     Stone: "Yes, sir.  Hard at work on the first draft of the

holodeck simulation too, I'll bet."

     JAG: "Have you seen his last one?"

     "I've booked a session in one of the Ferengi holosuites for

1300 hours.  Sometimes it's instructive to get a look at what

your opponent thinks he sees when he looks in the mirror."

 

Ka-thunk.

                    Holosuite Three

                    1325 hours.

 

     "And isn't it true that it was really YOU who unscrewed the

cap on the parametric subspace field strength sensor, that it was

YOU who 'accidentally' left the monkey wrench in the

magnetohydrodynamic field trap, and that it was YOU who attached

the commbadge to the back of the xenobiologist's armchair!"

     "You have no proof!"

     "Let me play back your remarks time-indexed 14.37."

     He holds up a portable eight-track player.

     *No, sir, there is simply no way on earth that a Markoffian

sea lizard could survive under those G-forces* -- click, wind,

wind, click -- *let alone strangle a man.*

     "No way on Earth, true, but this was Setlik III!"

     Collective gasp.

     "It's true!  I confess!  I did it all for love!"

     "I rest my case."

     "Computer, end simulation."

     The courtroom evaporates, leaving Commander Stone and his

Vulcan aide-de-camp Lieutenant T'Gel.

     T'Gel: "Impeccable logic."

     Stone: "Maybe.  But do you really think Cogley looks like

Antonio Banderas?"

 

[Commercial:

     The camera tracks past five Klingon warriors as they draw

their disruptors and open fire.  The camera turns and pans down

the length of the shooting galley to the little moving duck, and

then back to the Klingons.  Close-up of Klingon Four as his

disruptor runs dry.  He snarls at the weapon, throws it to the

ground, and stomps off.  The next moment Klingon One does

likewise.  Then Klingon Five, and Klingon Three.  Klingon Two

aims carefully and blows the little duckie to smithereens (in

slow motion), then howls in victory and knocks the batteries from

the disruptor handle into his palm.  Durascell.]

 

Ka-thunk.

                    Negotiating Room 03-578

                    Stardate 50157.4

 

     Stone: "Here's the picture.  We have multiple eyewitnesses

who place your client on the Gamma Trianguli VI on stardate

49655.  We have an inside informant who says the Children of Vaal

had no chance of activating the planet-wide computer net until

they secured the services of a gifted door repairman who provided

them access to an auxiliary control room thus allowing them to

boot up the system and expel the Federation.  And we have a

facsimile of a letter in your client's own handwriting in which

he attempts to exculpate himself from these very events."

     Odo: "And seventeen counts of noise by-law violation."

     Stone: "Commander."

     Sisko: "Odo."

     Odo: "Well we do."

     Cogley: "Gentlemen.  You'd better stick with the noise by-

law violations.  They're your only hope.  Your informant is a

terrorist.  The letter is immaterial.  And the eyewitnesses

didn't see him do anything."

     Stone: "We have the Tamarian."

     Cogley: "Just put him in the stand.  Forty hours community

service."

     Stone: "We're talking about aiding and abetting a terrorist

organization, sabotage and grand treason!  Twenty-five years

without parole."

     Cogley packs up his briefcase.

     "See you in court."

 

Ka-thunk.

                    Deep Space Nine Wardroom

                    UFP vs Door Repair Guy

                    Day One: Opening Statements

 

     Ding-ding, ding-ding, ding-ding.

     Judge Advocate General: "I now call this court martial to

order.  Lieutenant, would you read the charges?"

     Lieutenant: "That the defendant did aid and abet a terrorist

organization, namely the Children of Vaal, to overthrown the

lawful government of planet Gamma Trianguli VI and expel 7,451

Federation citizens, causing a combined loss to public and

private purses of approximately four trillion, three hundred and

eighty-nine billion, six hundred and seventy-two million

Federation credits."

     JAG: "How do you plead?"

     DRG: "Well, you see, it's like this --"

     Cogley steps on his foot.

     "Not guilty."

     Cogley: "Sidebar, your honour."

     Stone: "Sidebar?"

     JAG: "That's what I'm wondering.  We haven't been going long

enough for the trial to have a side, Mr Cogley."

     "It concerns the Press, your honour."

     Commodore Jones looks around the room.  Beside him on either

side are Admiral Nechayev and Admiral Nakamura; there's the

lieutenant acting as court secretary; Odo and Sisko; DRG, his two

guards, Cogley, and Cogley's Vulcan assistant T'Gel.

     "There is no Press, Mr Cogley."

     "Yes.  Why have they been excluded?"

     "They have not been excluded.  They don't care, so they

haven't come."

     "Then how do you explain this?"

     He holds up a computer pad.  Commodore Jones motions him

over and takes it.

     JAG: "It says here that the Bolian News Agency's reporter

has been denied access to the trial repeatedly by station

security.  Is this true?"

     Everyone looks at Odo.

     Odo: "I didn't see the necessity of including an outsider."

     JAG: "These proceedings are open to public scrutiny.  That

includes Bolians."

     Stone: "Commodore, I would submit that you would not wish to

forego the option of going in camera at a later time."

     "In camera?  When?"

     "A little later."

     "Do you care to elaborate?"

     "Not at this time, sir."

     Cogley: "If the Prosecution is planning to spring something

I'd like to remind them of the rules about discovery of evidence. 

I'm entitled to advance knowledge of all witnesses."

     JAG: "One thing at a time, Mr Cogley.  Mr Stone, the trial

is open to the public until I say it's not.  Mr Ono."

     "Odo."

     "Odo.  Please contact the Bolian News Agency immediately and

inform them that they are free to attend these proceedings."

     "The Bolian's in the corridor."

     "Then let him in."

     Odo goes to the door and admits the blue reporter who

smiles, waves, and slips into the back row.

     DRG to T'Gel: "This is going well.  Now we'll have the full

weight of Bolian public opinion on our side for sure."

     T'Gel, uncharacteristically for a Vulcan, turns her head

away and rolls her eyes heavenward.

     JAG: "Now, Mr Stone.  Anyone who's ever been in a holosuite

knows that the Prosecutor is not entitled to surprise witnesses."

     Stone: "It goes to the defendant's credibility, your

honour."

     "What does?"

     "Your honour, we have yet to present our opening statement. 

We cannot be expected to discuss evidence at this early stage."

     Commodore Jones leans forward and looks at his antique

wristwatch.

     "Eight minutes into the trial and you're already behind, Mr

Stone."

     DRG pumps his fist: "Yes!  Hey, ouch!"

 

[Bob:

     "Okay and back to Door Repair Guy in a minute but first--"

     There's a percussive jolt knocking the couch off the floor

and Bob off the couch.  The camera swings 120 degrees and focuses

on the figure of Megabyte who strides forward onto the set,

swivels his upper torso, extends his hand palm up and closes his

fist finger by finger.

     "So, Bob, we meet again."

     "Ah . . . yeah, okay."

     Megabyte draws his fist back, swiveling at the waist, and

points with his other hand.

     "Don't tell me you still persist in this fantasy that you

exist outside the Net in some manner of audiovisual environment."

     "I . . . I don't?"

     "Hahahahahahahahaha.  Fool."

     Bob makes his yeah-I-guess-I-am face.

     View from above.  Megabyte rotates toward the heavens and

opens his jaws like a hunting pike.

     "My moment of final victory is at hand.  With Bob suffering

under the delusion that he is a television personality I'll have

no one to oppose me in my overthrow of Mainframe."

     Bob blinks, shakes his head, and comes to his senses.  He

jumps up on the cushions.

     "Ha!  I don't think so!  Glitch!  Air compressor!"

     Megabyte glances over his shoulder.

     Long distance view of Megabyte looping and swooping over

Mainframe like a deflating balloon.]

 

[Commercial: "Monday at 9:00, it's Morphy Brown!"]

 

Ka-thunk.

               United Federation of Planets vs Door Repair Guy

               Day Three: Testimony of Captain Morgan Bateson

 

     Commander Stone: "Now, it was at this point you concluded

your investigation in that part of the quadrant and turned the

USS Bozeman toward Earth."

     Captain Bateson: "That is correct."

     "With what purpose in mind?"

     "To collect evidence relating to the suspect's sojourn in

Alaska."

     "And what was the result of your investigations?"

     "We were able to extend the timeline through that summer,

thus closing the last remaining gap in our knowledge of his

movements."

     "So, to summarize, you have established here that the

suspect travelled via Pakled freighter from Starbase 106, fell in

with the Children of Vaal, made a detour to Gamma Trianguli VI,

rebooted the planetary computer system, then slipped aboard the

evacuation ship Cicely, evaded security, jumped ship for Alaska,

lay low there for several weeks, then beamed up to Earth orbit,

took ship to Sigma Draconis VI, made rendevous with a Bolian

freighter, travelled to Earth Colony Nepean 5 and from there to

the Klingon homeworld and finally to Deep Space Nine.  Have I

left anything out?"

     "No.  It's all there." 

     "Thank you, sir.  Your witness."

     Cogley steps up.

     "Captain Morgan."

     "Captain Bateson."

     "Forgive me.  Captain Bateson, you strike me as an acute

observer of human nature."

     "Well.  I do have a degree in psychiatric medicine.  Not

many people know that."

     "Ah.  That explains it."

     "I'm sorry?  That explains what?"

     "It explains that rare ability so many of us lack, but which

you obviously possess in great store, that intuitive

understanding, that 'Eureka' quality, which permits you to take

that mental leap from point A to point B even if those two points

are on opposite sides of the galaxy."

     "Well, I don't like to brag, but, yes, I'm like that."

     "I can hardly think of another individual who could have

crisscrossed the quadrant as you have done in pursuit of my

client's elusive trail."

     "Oh, now, there's really no need for flattery."

     "I'd say you're a veritable bloodhound."

     "Well, I wouldn't go that far."

     "Oh, really, Captain Bateson?  Wouldn't you say you've been

led around by your nose throughout this entire investigation?"

     "I would not."

     "Would it surprise you to learn that I have acquired the

restaurant bills incurred by you and your investigative team over

the course of this pangalactic divagation?  They are, in a word,

astronomical."

     "Pangalactic divagation?  Is there something wrong in this

day and age with a captain taking an interest in the provisioning

of his ship?"

     "Caviar, Captain, a quarter tonne of caviar."

     "You 24th-Century types may be satisfied with replicated

food-patterned matter on your plate, but I remember a time when

people took dining seriously."

     "Is that why you retain the services of a cordon bleu chef?"

     "I'll have you know I was out there defending the citizens

of this Federation before your grandfather--"

     "Took his first single malt whiskey?"

     "I resent that implication!"

     "Three cases of Dom Perignon 2256 in Fairbanks alone!"

     "It goes with pan-fried SISbat'telh Dawt!"

     "So you went fishing!"

     "Only to get inside the man's head!"

     "According to your ship's log it took you five weeks to get

inside his head on that occasion!  What made you break it off?"

     "A bear attack!  My God, will no one here defend me!?"

     JAG: "You're not on trial here, Captain Bateson.  Please

answer the attorney's questions.  Mr Cogley, I think you've made

your point."

     "Thank you, sir.  I would like to turn my attention to the

logs of the two transporters involved in the beamup from Alaska

to the Lagrange Point Space Vessel Museum."

     Shuffling sound as everyone consults the transcripts.

     "Page 541."

     "Yes, I have it."

     "Captain Bateson, how long does it take to transport a

person from one site to another?"

     "It's a function of distance calculated with the speed of

light, obviously.  Any schoolchild knows that."

     "Yes, of course.  But the entire process, from stepping on

to the pad to stepping off the other pad, give or take a second."

     "Perhaps ten seconds."

     "Should it under any circumstances take two days?"

     "No."

     "But if you compare the logs of the two transporters it took

two days."

     "Really, you can't put any credence in that Alaskan

transporter's records.  The whole machine was a mass of jury-

rigging.  It was still set for daylight saving time!"

     "Daylight saving time doesn't account for 48 hours, sir!  I

suggest the man never set foot in Alaska!"

     "That's preposterous!  Ask the Tamarian!"

     "I shall, sir.  Have no worry about that."

 

[Commercial: "Tuesday at 9:30 it's Grace Under Phaser Fire!"]

 

Ka-thunk.

               UFP vs DRG

               Day Five: Testimony of Atoth the Tamarian

 

     "Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and

nothing but the truth, so help you God?"

     "George Washington, his hatchet behind his back."

     Commander Stone steps up to the witness stand.

     "Mr Atoth, the Prosecution has presented evidence that you

accompanied the defendent to Gamma Trianguli IV, that you were

present in the cave at the time of the activation of the computer

network, and that you later aided him in his escape to Alaska. 

Do you deny any of these allegations?"

     "Mirtu, her knee throbbing."

     Blink.

     "Sidebar."

     "Mr Stone, I assumed you were ready for this."

     "Up until this point, your honour, the witness has conversed

in pidgin.  He still spoke in allusions, but at least the

mythological examples were drawn from Terran culture."

     "What about the universal translator?  Doesn't that have any

effect?"

     "Not with Tamarians at this point."

     "Well, Mr Stone, I'd say you're up a creek without a

paddle."

     "Aktuth, up a creek without a paddle.  Yodwich, his hair

blazing."

     "Yes, thank you, Mr Atoth.  Please refrain from speaking

unless spoken to.  So, Mr Stone, will you continue, or would you

prefer to hand it over to Mr Cogley?"

     "I'm not done yet."

     "Very well."

     "Mr Atoth.  I see by your costume you're an outdoorsman. 

Would you regale the court with one of your fishing stories?"

     "Jablodda and Hoosk on the mountain.  Dimsa, his quiver

full.  In the morning with Shalloo.  The dusk upon Nalon.  A hand

waiting.  The majesty of Wirr."

     Atoth holds up his hands, the palms approximately twenty-

eight inches apart.

     "May I remind you that you are under oath?"

     He moves his hands a little closer together.

     "How is it, sir, that you understand plain English well

enough, but when it comes to answering questions under oath you

retreat to Tamarian obscurities?" 

     "Hislaan, hanging from a branch, his ear wet."

     DRG: "Oh!  Ho ho!  Good one!  He got you, Stone!"

     Reaction shot of piqued Stone glancing around in

exasperation.

 

Ka-thunk.

                    UFP vs DRG

                    Day Twelve

 

     Shot of Cogley roughing out the holodeck simulation script

from the previous day's court transcript.  He flips through the

transcript putting a red diagonal through each page.  At the

bottom of the last page he writes:

     Cogley: "Objection."

     JAG: "Sustained."

     He looks up and says: "Objection."

     Stone stops in mid-syllable, and walks away from the witness

stand.

     JAG: "To what, Mr Cogley?"

     Cogley shuffles through the papers, computer pads and eight-

tracks covering the Defense table and pulls out a document.

     "I have an affidavit here implicating the Prosecution in a

conspiracy to dismember my client."

     JAG: "I'm sorry.  Did you say 'dismember'?"

     "That is correct."

     Stone: "Your honour, this is grandstanding on a monumental

level."

     "Let me see that."

     Both Admirals Nechayev and Nakamura lean in to read the

document as Cogley hands it to Commodore Jones."

     JAG: "Who is this Not Fragile?"

     Shot of the Prosecution conferring.  Shot of Jones, Nechayev

and Nakamura exchanging looks. 

     Cogley: "Motion to dismiss."

     JAG: "In my chambers."

 

[Commercial: "Head into the final frontier on Mad About Hugh,

     Sunday at 8:00!"] 

 

Ka-thunk.

                    Suite 04-112

                    Commodore Jones' Chambers.

 

     Stone: "The Prosecution never suggested disabling the man's

personal transporter.  That was an initiative of the station's

medical officer under the Judge Advocate General's direction."

     Cogley: "The circle widens."

     JAG: "Has anyone tinkered with the man's transporter?"

     Cogley: "I consider the damping field tinkering.  I have an

expert opinion which states that prolonged exposure to the

damping field can result in permanent transporter malfunction."

     Stone: "It's the Defense who are prolonging the trial.  This

should have been over last week."

     Nechayev: "I agree."

     Nakamura: "So do I."

     JAG: "Has anyone actually taken a screwdriver to the man?"

     Cogley: "No."

     JAG: "Nobody is going to either.  The damping field is

another matter.  There's no difference between that and the

handcuffs.  Motion to dismiss denied."

     Cogley smiles and heads out the door.

     Nechayev: "Why's he so happy."

     Stone: "Now he has grounds for appeal."

 

[Commercial: 

     We see two Klingons in workbelts.  The bearded one in plaid

holds up a phase inducer.  The other one holds up the biggest

phase inducer ever built, and grunts.  They set to work on two

ODM junctions.  Explosion.  The plaid Klingon shakes his head.

     "It's Homeworld Improvement, Tuesday at 9:00!"]

 

Ka-thunk.

 

               UFP v DRG

               Day Fifteen: Testimony of Cmdr Wm T Riker

 

     Stone: "When did you first meet the defendant?"

     Riker: "I --"

     Cogley: "May we approach?"

     JAG: "What is it now, Mr Cogley?"

     "I move that the court go into recess."

     Prosecuting Attorney Stone looks flabbergasted.  He

approaches the bench.  "On what grounds?!"

     Cogley: "Season Three is about to end."

     JAG (checking his wristwatch): "Good Lord, you're right. 

Court is in recess!"

 

------------

Written by Douglas A. McLeod, [email protected]

------------

 

Notes on Trail and Error:

Sooner or later there's always a court trial. 

The definitive Law and Order parody was just made this year: Community, Season 3, episode 17, entitled "Basic Lupine Urology" after Dick Wolf.

Megabyte and Bob were characters in the innovative ReBoot.

End of Season Three.

 

 

Stackable

Kingston, Ontario, Canada

Hayabusa

When was the last time Holywood made a major motion picture about an actual space flight? Apollo 13 (1995)? Last summer the Japanese released Hayabusa, a drama based on the journey of a Japanese unmanned probe to the asteroid Itokawa. Does the male leader look like Ethan Phillips? I think so. Is another actor in the trailer the spitting image of DeForrest Kelly? Yes. There are actually two other Hayabusa films in the works, one of them starring Ken Watanabe. How about an Apollo 11 movie, Hollywood? How about a Soyuz T-15 movie?