Plenty of Nothing

Rocky Loma

Ivy Levan performs "Science Fiction Double Feature" in front of Casa Loma in Fox's remake of Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Films referenced in the song:

The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951) with Michael Rennie

Flash Gordon (1936, with sequels in 1938 and 1940)

The Invisible Man (1933) with Claude Rains

King Kong (1933) with Fay Wray

It Came From Outer Space (1953)

Doctor X (1932)

Forbidden Planet (1956) with Anne Francis

Tarantula (1955) with Leo G. Carroll

Day of the Triffids (1962) with Janette Scott

Night of the Demon (1957) with Dana Andrews

When Worlds Collide (1951) by George Pal

RKO Pictures operated from 1928 to 1957.

Edo Castle

Owner of a Lonely Moat

Kitting up. Morton Castle was used as a location for the 1978 version of The 39 Steps.

It is at this point in the season that our soccer coverage descends into magical medieval fantasy. Four years ago I designated the second league match at Palmerston Park between Morton and Queen of the South The Battle for Morton Castle. According to me the winner of today's game assumes ownership of this strategic ruin. Two previous battles have taken place, on January 28, 2012 and March 29, 2014. QoS won both. Morton must win today, as in the event of a draw the castle will remain with the incumbent QoS. To my mind it is intolerable that Greenock Morton should not have custody of this historic fortification which has their own name on it.

Normally you would expect this match to occur sometime from January to May 2016. It was originally scheduled for Boxing Day 2015, itself a little bit too early, but then they bumped it forward to the vacant October 10th international weekend slot.

How did Morton fare in the first quarter of the schedule? They earned 2 wins (Alloa and Livi), 4 draws and 3 losses, with 9 goals for and 12 against, for a goal difference of -3. They are in 6th place with 10 points, ahead of Dumbarton, St Mirren, Alloa, and Livingston, and just behind Queen of the South who have 11 points. QoS have 3 wins (Alloa, Livi and Dumbarton), 2 draws and 4 losses, with 9 goals for and 14 against, for a goal difference of -5. They have not won a match in any competition since August 22nd. Both clubs have mid-table written all over them.

[QoS win 1 - 0 and retain the castle.]

It's the Challenge Cup quarter-finals: Peterhead [3 - 0] Stenny; St Mirren [4 - 0] Dunfermline; Queen's Park [2 - 1] Elgin City. Rangers vs Livi goes in ten days, owing to Rangers' international call-ups. Elgin City have made the quarter-finals once before, in 2009-10. Queen's Park made the semi-finals in 2002-03. Of the eight quarter-finalists only three are from the Championship.

UEFA Women's Champions League this week: Chelsea 1 - 0 Glasgow City. Scotland ranks 12th in Europe in women's football, which means Glasgow City got to enter the competion after the group stage was over. Tomorrow is the semi-finals of the women's Scottish Cup. Rangers [0 - 2] Glasgow City. Hibs [2 - 0] Celtic. [City and Hibs advance to the final.]

It's the two-legged J League Nabisco Cup semi-finals this week. On Wednesday it was Albirex Niigata 2 - 1 Gamba Osaka; and Vissel Kobe 1 - 2 Kashima Antlers. Tomorrow Gamba [2 - 0] Albirex; Antlers [4 - 1] Vissel. [Gamba and Kashima will meet in the final.]

Gamba Osaka officially open their new stadium today. The old one, Osaka Expo '70 Stadium, was built in 1972 on the World's Fair site. Gamba have had a busy year, including a Super Cup win, eleven AFC Champions League matches to date, a good League Cup run, and the Emperor's Cup yet to come.

Yesterday: UCD 1 - 0 Cabinteely. UCD qualify for the promotion playoffs, and Shelbourne don't.

West of Scotland Cup: Troon [2 - 0] Largs Thistle.

UCD at Waterford

Reginald's Tower in Waterford. Once part of the city walls, it was erected by the invading Vikings to keep out the invading Normans.

UCD AFC visit Waterford United in the first game of the second half of the League of Ireland First Division season. At the halfway mark UCD are in 2nd place with 25 points.

Waterford United, The Blues, have been around since 1930, have won the League of Ireland six times (all of them between 1965 and 1973), and the FAI Cup and League of Ireland Cup twice each. They are currently 7th in the division. They wear blue.

Waterford was established by Danish Vikings in the mid-9th Century. In the 12th Century the Normans, expanding westward from South Wales, took over. The 17th Century saw an influx of Huguenots. Trade with Newfoundland made the city wealthy in the 18th Century. During the Irish Civil War Waterford was on the Republican side. Waterford crystal is from Waterford.

[Result: 0 - 0.]

Women's World Cup yesterday: Canada 0 - 0 Netherlands. Today: Japan [2 - 1] Cameroon.

Celtic are the 34th-wealthiest soccer club in the world.

Most SPFL clubs are receptive to summer football.

Crown Work

From a recent auction.

Morioka Castle

Morioka Castle. Source.

Grulla Morioka entertain the Japanese Under 22 team. [Grulla win 3 - 1.]

The Japanese national team play Colombia on Tuesday in their final Group C game. If Japan beat Colombia, and Greece beat Ivory Coast, and Japan end up with a better goal difference than Greece, Japan will advance. [Colombia 4, Japan 1. Japan are out. Colombia go on the meet Uruguay.]

The Battle for Morton Castle

Morton Castle, by Andrew Spratt.

Two years ago I determined that the winner of the season's final meeting at Palmerston between Morton and Queen of the South would be awarded title to Morton Castle. QoS won and took the castle, but they went on to be relegated, so there was no meeting between QoS and Morton last year. But then Queen of the South finished first and rejoined Morton's division. Today the second-half meeting at Palmerston between the two clubs has come around again. Rules: Morton has to win to take the castle; if the game ends in a draw possession will remain with the incumbents QoS. Looking forward, the next Morton Castle seige is at least two years away, given the Ton's probable demotion at the end of this season. [Queen of the South win 3 - 0 and retain the castle. Morton can not finish better than ninth.]

The Scottish Junior Cup has two quarter-final fixtures pencilled in for today. Irvine Meadow host Bo'ness United, and Camelon Juniors entertain Whitletts Victoria. You'll recall that Whitletts Victoria are the ones who dress almost exactly like Dennis the Menace. It seems the lower you go in the Scottish football pyramid the more often the games get postponed. Throw in replays and you have a situation where the clubs don't advance so much as stagger through to the next round. [Irvine Meadow and Camelon Juniors win.]

Celtic won the Premiership championship Wednesday. The Championship championship will probably take till the final weekend of the schedule to decide.

Yesterday US Boulogne visited Paris FC. [1 - 1.]

Tomorrow Grulla Morioka visit F.C. Ryūkyū in Okinawa, a journey of 1936 km by air. After Week 3 of the J3 season Morioka held first place and Ryūkyū second. [Grulla win 0 - 1.]

It's No a Castle, It's a Toby Jug

Claypotts Castle, Dundee, Scotland's only kiln-fired ceramic castle. Can hold up to four million fluid ounces. Source.

Morton visit Dens Park to play division leaders Dundee FC. Morton are twelve points out of ninth place going into today's play. Only the most Panglossian optimist could suppose the Greenock men will avoid relegation now. Or would the most Panglossian optimist think Morton's relegation makes this the best of all possible worlds? Whatever! Can Morton play the spoiler and knock Dundee out of first, that's the question.

What would be the best of all possible Scottish Championships? I think it would be: Morton, St Mirren, Kilmarnock, Partick, Dumbarton, Airdrieonians, Queen of the South, Ayr United, Falkirk and Clydebank. Clydebank?! They only exist as a junior club now, but surely in their time they were Morton's ideal local rival, the Other Shipbuilding Town on the Clyde. The year Morton won the Cup they had to go through Clydebank, and the Bankies were the only one of seven opponents to hold them to a draw. See here.

Fouad Bachirou will play for the Comoros national team against Burkina Faso Wednesday. (Against Burkina Faso ON Wednesday. Burkina Faso Wednesday is no a real club.)

[Dundee win 2 - 0. Morton cannot finish better than third place.]

Four Japanese clubs joined the Asian Football Confederation Champions League group stage this midweek. Cerezo Osaka played Pohang Steelers. Sanfrecce Hiroshima played Beijing Guoan. Yokohama F Marinos played Jeonbuk Hyundai Motors. And Kawasaki Frontale played Guizhou Renhe. [Pohang 1 - 1 Osaka. Hiroshima 1 - 1 Beijing. Jeonbuk 3 - 0 Yokohama. Kawasaki 1 - 0 Guizhou.]

Boulogne visit Uzes. [Uzes win 1 - 0.]

Dennis the Menace on Ash Street, Dundee. Source.

Yakuimon

Mito was once a stronghold of the Tokugawa clan, so obviously there's a castle, right? Unfortunately, Mito Castle was bombed to pieces in WWII. This gate did survive, however, and you can see it today on Mito Castle Ruins Street, right next to the high school. See here for a tour of the castle site. Photo.

A yakuimon is a specific type of gate, described here. For defensive purposes it was not the best design, because the large overhanging roof tended to block the defenders' view of the enemy's approach.

The character 門 is pronounced mon, and means gate. It is probably the easiest Japanese character to remember because it looks just like what it describes, and is the basis of a lot of kanji related to doors and coming and going. Good word to know at the airport too.

The soccer season is half over in the places where they play from March to November. After 21 games Mito HollyHock sit eleventh out of twenty-two clubs, with 9 wins, 4 draws and 8 losses, and a goal difference of +2. This is an improvement on last year, when they finished 17th.

Our men in Ireland, University College Dublin AFC, find themself in eleventh place as well, which is a bit worse for them because there are now only eleven clubs in the Premier Division, twelfth-place Monaghan United having dropped out at the half for financial reasons. But it means that UCD and everyone else in the division are safe from relegation this year.

Pohang Steelers are off last year's pace, and currently sit in seventh place in the K League.

Montreal Impact are eighth out of ten clubs in the MLS Eastern Conference, but they're ahead of Toronto FC, which is the main thing.

Today is Fair Saturday in Greenock.

Easter Greenock

Port Glasgow has Newark Castle. Did Greenock ever have a castle? Uh huh. Easter Greenock Castle stood about half a mile uphill from Cappielow Park. It was in pretty rough shape when this sketch was done two hundred years ago. The ruin was carted off in the 1830s when found to be in the path of a railway. The name Castle Road is all that remains. Tales of the Oak quotes the following brilliant line about the castle's decline, that could easily have been written about this year's Greenock Morton season: And thus the ancient glory of Greenock is now crowned with a colony of piggeries.

Queen of the South FC visit Cappielow Park today for their final meeting of 2011-12 with Greenock Morton. QoS are coming off a victory over Ayr United last weekend. If the Doonhamers win today, and Ayr and Raith both lose, QoS will be in eighth place. Morton, who hold seventh, would naturally also like to win and perhaps place Partick Thistle between them and the bottom group. A win today would also preserve the possibility of the Ton ending this season with a .500 record at home. Morton are without three suspended players today.

[Morton 2 - 2 QoS. Goals by Bachirou and MacDonald. Raith win, so Morton are five points clear of ninth with five games remaining.]

[Celtic win the SPL and avenge their League Cup loss by beating Kilmarnock 6 - 0.]

Falkirk won the Scottish Challenge Cup last weekend. They are the most successful club in the (brief) history of that competition.

Scottish football is beginning to resemble Scottish history. That is, the throat-cutting parts.

Big game today at the Big O as Montreal Impact host Toronto FC. [Montreal win 2 - 1!]

Altrincham are home to Hyde. [Altrincham 1 - 3 Hyde.]

Last night UDC AFC visited Derry City at The Brandywell. Derry City is situated in Northern Ireland, and played in the league there until 1971. They were temporarily expelled from the League of Ireland in 2009 for writing secret player contracts, a charge now biting Rangers on the ass. Archie McLeod played for them in the Thirties. [0 - 0.]

Tomorrow Mito HollyHock host JEF United, who come from Chiba, not Chibi, and Pohang visit Seongnam. [Mito 0 - 1 Chiba. Seongnam 0 - 2 Pohang.]