Plenty of Nothing

When I'm Running Windows

 

    The curtain rises to applause.  George Formby in a brown raincoat and cloth cap steps forward, bows, strikes up his ukelele, and sings (to the tune of "When I'm Cleaning Windows"):

 

          I've bought a new computer,

          It's there beside the grate,

          And so I need some software

          To make it operate.

 

          The man around the corner

          Said, "Look what's joost arrived,

          The newest software package

          Called Windows 95."

 

          Now, in my profession I'm brand new

          But I'll never stop.

          I'll run this blinkin' programme

          Til I get right to the top.

 

          This is a job that just suits me.

          A Windows-watcher you would be

          If you could see what I can see

          When I'm running Windows.]

 

[Commercial: George Formby for Windows 95

 

          The things I've seen when I'm on line

          Would suit a sailor very fine

          If he were more than twenty-nine

          When I'm running Windows.

 

          A lass I've spied is quite the rage,

          One million hits on her Web Page;

          As many on the pressure gauge;

          When I'm running Windows.

 

          Oh, in my profession I'm brand new

          But I'll never stop.

          I'll run this flippin' programme

          Til I get right to the top.

 

          She has a twin and my oh my,

          They make the idle hours fly by

          With just a chair and one necktie

          When I'm running Windows.]

 

[Commercial: George Formby for Windows 95:

 

          An e-mail came to my mailbox.

          I answered straight away of course.

          My server changed it all to Morse

          When I'm running Windows. 

 

          So I sent out an S-O-S

          To my sysop to fix the mess.

          He says it's my fault, more or less.

          When I'm running Windows.

 

          In my profession I'm brand new

          But I'll never stop.

          I'll run this flippin' programme

          Til I get right to the top.

 

          I asked my mate to take a look,

          He had a peek, his head he shook,

          Said he, "Read the instruction book."

          When I'm running Windows.]

 

[Commercial: Windows:

 

          I'm chuffed with my grand ftp,

          I'm master of all that I see,

          Downloading text and binary,

          When I'm running Windows.

 

          The gifs I find fill me with joy:

          Natasha Yar is not a boy

          And neither is Deanna Troi

          When I'm running Windows.

 

          In my profession I'm still green

          But I'll never stop.

          I'll run this blessed programme

          Til I get right to the top.

 

          The lads at Wired all agree.

          This Internet is just for me.

          It keeps me up til half past three

          When I'm running Windows.]

 

[Commercial: Encore le Formby:

 

          You've heard of my adventures

          Exploring cyberspace.

          Now here's a few more details

          To substantiate my case.

 

          I'm that pleased when I'm gophering

          I go for files on anything

          But my wife calls it loafering.

          When I'm running Windows.

 

          The helpful Miss Veronica

          Sends advice on japonica

          She found in Thessalonica

          When I'm running Windows.

 

          In my profession I'm brand new

          But I'll never stop.

          I'll run these flamin' Windows

          Til I get right to the top.

 

          My colour monitor's a whiz

          I've viewed Van Goghs and Matisses

          And every Dilbert strip there is

          When I'm running Windows.]

 

[Commercial:  Formby:

 

          Me wife's all set to pull the plug.

          "Away and get a job, ye slug."

          She hasn't the computer bug

          When I'm running Windows.

 

          So I've gone down to Microsoft --

          You shouldn't think I'm very daft --

          I'm cleaning screens fore noon and aft

          While I'm watching Windows.

 

          In this profession I'm brand new

          But I'll never stop.

          I'll save these screens with my damp rag

          Til I get to the top.

 

          I've many new computing mates

          I shouldn't doubt that at this rate

          I'll soon be thick with William Gates

          When I'm cleaning Windows.

 

          This is a job that just suits me.

          A Windows-washer you would be

          If you could see what I can see

          When I'm cleaning Windows,

          When I'm cleaning Windows.]

 

From Door Repair Guy, episode 46.

 

Mike Duffy Personal Salutation Generator

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Antivirus God Power

On top of being possibly the coolest TV ad of all time, this Norton Antivirus commercial solves the problem of how to represent computing processes visually: theatre.

The Witch Computer

The Witch is a working digital computer from the Nineteen Fifties. You can see it in operation at the Bletchley Museum of Computing at Bletchey Park, Milton Keynes, or watch this item from BBC.

Keep Calm Poster Generator

The Keep-Calm-O-Matic.

Brazilian Soccer Name Generator

BrazilName.

Oddly tempting

I suspect the actual incarnation of this is a long way off (how exactly would it be powered?) but it's intriguing.

(via Gizmodo)

Heather

Tweckling?

I’ve not been keeping a close eye on social media stuff lately but the storm around danah boyd’s Web2.0 Expo keynote caught my eye. It’s fascinating not so much for the rushed presentation style or for the teasing apart of what happens when a back channel becomes a front channel or even for the outpouring of support for boyd as she survived giving a bad speech.

What fascinates me about the event is the ways in which the relationships between audience and speaker are reconfigured. It’s tempting to think of the twitterwall behind boyd as heckling—a term which I’ve just learned emerged from the industrial politics of the Scottish textile trade. (Given its origin, I’m tempted to think of heckling as a byblow of flyting).

Unlike an interruption to request a favourite song or to adjust the volume, a heckle is inherently oppositional and disruptive. Part of the point of interrupting a speaker’s flow with a heckle is to change the direction of the flow, to point out that there is another, opposing, and often hostile point of view in the room.  But in boyd’s case there’s a key difference: is it heckling if the object of the heckled criticism can’t hear (or in this case, see) it?

boyd’s flow was indeed disrupted—in the video it’s clear that she’s responding to the noises off and equally clear from her later comments that she was aware of sound, the aura, of attack but not the substance.  Given the physical set-up of the stage, the twitterwall ended up being far less interactive than genuine heckling. Instead the twitterwall functioned more like a cluster of gossips whispering in the hallway rather than as a site of heckling. When you’re genuinely heckled, you get to shout back. And the more skilled you become (or the more Scottish family meals you sit through), the sharper and faster your responses can become. A heckle is a challenge; whispered (or invisible to you) comments are gossip.

What fascinates me most though is how the counterpoint between boyd’s performance and the audience’s performance enacted one of the key points she was making.

Power is about being able to command attention, influence others' attention, and otherwise traffic in information. We give power to people when we give them our attention and people gain power when they bridge between different worlds and determine what information can and will flow across the network. (source)

The performance(s) demonstrated exactly how contingent authority and power are in a networked space. Usually audiences grant some short-lived authority to the speaker on a stage. Here that authority was torn down with startling rapidity as boyd’s  audience refused to grant her their power or to acknowledge any authority she might have that didn’t derive from the moment of performance. The twitterwall was ultimately a power grab. True heckling would have required engagement and attention.

Heather